There may come a time in life when you have to make the decision to move a loved one in an assisted living facility. If you’re feeling guilty over moving someone close to you into assisted living, know that you’re not alone. It can be difficult to easily see the logic in the situation, often bringing feelings of failure or judgement as well. These feelings are common, and often unjustified, but there are ways to manage your guilt and steps you can take to cope with it.
Acknowledge your feelings.
Are you finding yourself getting easily frustrated? Easily annoyed? Are you isolating? Having trouble sleeping? These are all symptoms of guilt and there are many mental and physical ailments that accompany it. It’s important to remember that guilt and grief are normal feelings to have and you need to consider the needs and the care they require as they get older. A higher level of care can offer comfort and safety for an ill or aging loved one.
Get support to help you overcome these feelings.
Join a support group. It often eases feelings of guilt when you talk to other people that have been through it and can relate. You can find support groups in your community online or ask us for a referral. We would be happy to help you locate one that best fits your needs or put you in touch with families that have gone through similar experiences.
Making the quality decision.
Frame what the decision is. Understand that your clear objective is receiving the best care. Do your research and ask friends for referrals for senior living residences.
- Is the building evidence-based build?
- Tour facilities in person and don’t base it on the building alone; base it on the care.
- Look at staffing levels over the years and ask for their labor reports and team member schedules, review their staffing, talk to the team members, find out their staffing retention rate, and ask for the number of team members they are staffing per resident each day.
- What is the longevity of the Executive Director?
- Ask to meet the owner. Is s/he actively onsite? When is the last time they were onsite?
- Pricing can be complicated so find out upfront what the costs are. Some facilities will bring you in low and increase the price over time. What is included in that price?
- Get referrals/testimonials from residents (past and present).
Listen to your body.
Caregivers often have a lot of stress and physical ailments that come with the responsibility, and we often aren’t taking care of ourselves when we’re caring for others.
Be realistic of your commitments and don’t overload your daily to-do list. Try to find a few hours several times a week for activities that you enjoy.
Focus on the things that are within your control. You can’t create more hours in the day or force a family member to help out more. Rather than stressing out over things you can’t control, focus on how you choose to react to problems.
Ease the transition.
Help make your loved one’s residence their own. At Aria Senior Living, we encourage residents to bring anything from home that will make them more comfortable such as furniture, personal photos, bedding, a favorite chair, or their entire bedroom set.
Work together to identify activities and routines for them to help facilitate the adjustment.
Develop a routine.
Gauge what your loved one needs and use your best judgement in visiting. Getting into a visitation routine can help you both with the transition. At our residences, we have no set visiting hours and loved ones are welcome to visit as they please. Talk it over with your loved one and schedule times to visit.
Once you have made the decision, listened to your body, and acknowledged those feelings, then reimagine your role. This can come in a lot of different ways, such as emotional support, advocacy for your loved one, helping them engage in the community and with other residents.
Some people find that their loved one’s health and well-being actually improves in a facility because they are getting the care that family members wanted to provide but couldn’t effectively provide at home. If you need any help with transitioning a loved one into assisted living, even if just to talk and ask questions, please reach out to us at 330-618-0453.
